The Art of Growth

FOR MANY YEARS a woman suffered with chronic angina and heart disease. Her condition frequently caused her to suffer excruciating chest pains. Finally, she underwent a surgery which relieved her symptoms. Although she was physically more comfortable, she missed her pain which she referred to as her ‘inner advisor’. Because of the pain, the woman was forced to look at her lifestyle and make healthy adjustments. She modified her diet and learned to meditate. Both were helpful in controlling most of the pain. Yet some pain would erupt from time to time. Paying close attention to those episodes, the woman was amazed to discover that the pain came whenever she would speak or act in a way which violated her values. Because of her pain, the woman not only made healthier lifestyle choices, but learned about the importance of personal integrity.



That incident is reported by physician Rachel Naomi Remen, MD, in her book Kitchen Table Wisdom. She adds, “In a very paradoxical way, pain may point the way to a greater wholeness and become a potent force” in our lives. Of course, most of us prefer to avoid pain. Yet that is not always possible. Troubles, trials, traumas, tribulations come into every life at one time or another. In addition to seeking relief and cure, we ought to permit pain to teach and deepen our living. The pains of life are worth paying attention to and learning from. Here are some ways we can grow through the pain and find the light behind the shadow.





The lesson of pain



This was the lesson of pain for the apostle Paul who said he had a ‘thorn’ in his life. While it is not clear what that was, it is clear it was a severe issue for Paul. He says: “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.” (2 Corinthians 12:8). The ‘thorn’ remained, but Paul learned much about the power of God to help him deal with it and learn from. He reports God responded by reminding him, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12: 9). Joseph, in the Old Testament, also developed a deeper trust in God because of suffering. His brothers betrayed him and nearly killed him before deciding to profit off Joseph by selling him as a slave. While working as a slave, and later while in prison because of a false accusation, Joseph continued to trust and hope in God. Years later when he was a man of great power and was reunited with his brothers, but he forgave them, saying, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good.” (Genesis 50:20)



A modern parallel to these Biblical examples comes via Jamie Schlough, who was in junior high school when she was diagnosed with lupus disease. She has had to deal with constant joint pain and weight gain because of the medications she must take. Yet, she has learned to live with lupus calling it a “blessing in disguise”. The young woman says, “I know God has a plan, and everything happens for a reason. God allowed me to have this, and I need to work with it. It’s given me an opportunity to grow closer to him, closer to my parents, closer to my friends. It’s strengthened relationships. It’s made me stronger. And now maybe I can be a hope to someone who has lupus”.





When sorrow walked with me



Philosopher Aristotle succinctly said, “We cannot learn without pain”. That wisdom is shared by poet Robert Browning Hamilton who wrote:



I walked a mile with Pleasure/She chattered all the way/But let me none the wiser/For all she had to say. I walked a mile with Sorrow/And ne’er a word said she/But oh, the things I learned from her/When Sorrow walked with me.  



After experiencing the death of a loved one, a griever penned these words: “Grief. I have met you. I learned from you. You taught me how to fight back. You taught me how to return again and again from the depths of pain where no one should go. I learned where I was lacking and how to use that to help others. I learned how to accept pain and how to work with it.”





Options & opportunities



As a result of trauma, some people have discovered ways to reshape their lives and destinies. Milo C. Jones operated a small farm in Wisconsin. He was barely making a living when disaster struck. Jones experienced a paralyzing stroke. He found himself limited to the confines of his bed. While laying there feeling defeated and lost, he began to review what he had left. Unable to use his body, Jones realized he could still use his mind, and came up with an idea which would change his life and the lives of his family. He called his relatives for a meeting and asked them to plant his small farm entirely with corn. That corn would be used to feed a herd of pigs. Those pigs would be processed and made into sausage. Within a few short years, Jones’ sausage was being sold in grocery stores across the nation. His product became widely known as Jones Farm Sausage. Milo Jones and his family prospered beyond their wildest dreams. It happened because adversity forced him to see other options and opportunities.





A larger picture



Pain can teach us to see the larger picture. It can stretch the mind, broaden the spirit and enlarge the soul. Consider these anonymous words, titled What Cancer Cannot Do. They were written by a cancer patient whose outlook was broadened, not reduced, because of a bout with the dreaded disease. “Cancer is so limited. It cannot cripple love; it cannot shatter hope; it cannot corrode faith; it cannot destroy peace; it cannot kill friendship; it cannot suppress memories; it cannot silence courage; it cannot invade the soul; it cannot steal eternal life; it cannot conquer the spirit.”





Positive advantages



Best selling author and British Biblical scholar William Barclay began to lose his hearing, finally becoming deaf. New hearing-aid technology allowed him to overcome that loss so fully that he began to conduct choirs again. However, after regaining his hearing, he recollected, “To tell the truth, being deaf can be a positive advantage. It means that it is possible to sleep anywhere – even in a railway station”. Of his hearing aids, he cites this benefit: “It means that you need only listen to what you want to listen to. If the speaker is boring, then it is the easiest thing in the world to switch him off… I can retire into my own world whenever I want to”.





Learning to help



Like a good friend, pain can help us feel more compassion for others who hurt. The fact is, we are sensitized and humanized by our wounds, becoming more able and willing to recognize and respond to others who are hurting. This ensures the pain is not wasted. We become skilled at turning our pain into another’s gain. Dwight ‘Ike’ Eisenhower adored his first born child, Doud Dwight. In 1921, the four-year-old died of scarlet fever, leaving both parents, but especially the future US President, grief-stricken. Mamie, the President’s wife, once said, “It was as if a shining light had gone out of Ike’s life. Throughout all the years that followed, the memory of those bleak days was a deep inner pain that never seemed to diminish much.” Thirty-five years later, Eisenhower wrote the following letter of consolation to his brother Edgar when Edgar’s forty-year-old son Jack died: “It is, of course, difficult to understand why so often the oldsters go on and on into the eighties and nineties, while the younger, more vigorous men are cut down in their youth. There is no way to explain it except that it is one of the accidents of living… In spite of all this… I know that it is hard for you to take. Yet you owe it to those still around you – your wife, your daughter and your grandchildren – to provide an example that is not characterized by pessimism, cynicism and defeat. This sounds like preaching – and it possibly is. My justification is that I lost a son of my own many years ago – the only one we had then. To this date it is not an easy thing to deal with when it comes fresh to my memory, but it is something that I had to learn to accept or to go crazy.”





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Pain and suffering, difficulty and darkness, come to all. Sadly, some people become bitter. The wise ones become better. They know that the darkness passes, but what they learn in the darkness remains forever.