No Faith

MY WIFE and I were married for 60 years, and I am now 87. My wife has always been a strong Catholic. She went to church sometimes twice a week, and she prayed every chance she had. She was a wonderful wife, mother and faithful soul mate.



A few months ago we were driving home when another car crossed over the centreline and hit our car head-on. My dear wife died six hours later in hospital. Unfortunately, I survived with little injuries, and I have been left here on earth to suffer her loss.



To let her die in this horrible way is inexcusable. How could God allow this to happen to such a good person? I still go to church, but I must admit I have lost all my faith. I only go to church for my wife because I miss her every single moment of every hour.



I’m finding it very hard to think the Lord would do this to one who had so much faith in Him and the Church.



Why should I continue to believe, Father Rick?





I am deeply saddened by your tragic situation. You have my deepest sympathy.

You have every reason to be very angry with God. I hope you let him have it! Don’t worry, he has very broad shoulders and can handle it. As you so passionately described in your letter, why would God allow one of his faithful followers to die in such a tragic manner? One could easily add, how can God allow this to happen to a good person, while others, less good, and some who actually commit evil actions seem to go on with their lives without a care or anxiety? It makes no sense. It is not fair.



Does this sound familiar? Have we not heard this from others in the Bible? Is this not what Job was confronted with when his life went down the tubes? His friends taunted him to forsake his God, because God had obviously abandoned him. I guess you may feel like God has abandoned you at time, no? Do you remember Job’s response? If we accept good things from God, why should we not accept the bad?



This is a very philosophical attitude to have, but I don’t believe God ever sends us ‘bad’ things. Moreover, there is an important truth in Job’s statement, and that is that we are dependent on God: we don’t always understand everything, and we certainly can’t control everything, so why worry about them?



I believe that God loves each one of us. I believe God has a special love for your wife and would never cause her pain. However, God did create her, and you and all of humanity to be free. We are free to make choices. People’s choices have an effect on us. From the sin of the first humans as described in Adam and Eve and the ensuing ‘original sin’ to the choices you and I make every day either for or against God’s will; these all have an impact on us. Why did that car cross the lanes and hit your car? Did the driver choose to drink and drive? Was the driver sleepy from working two jobs because neither paid a living wage? Did the driver lose control of the car because of a distraction due to being  in a dispute with a family member? I guess the reason doesn’t really matter to you because you are still left with the same result; your wife is dead and you are alone.



Why did God not intervene and stop that course of action? Doesn’t God care? I know that God cares very much. You know that God cares. That is why you are angry at God. You wouldn’t be angry at a fickle and twisted God. You are angry because you expect God to love you and take care of you. That’s why I wrote at the start of my response that it is good that you angry. It is a sign of life. This is your prayer. Prayer is not always pious platitudes. Sometimes it is the gut-wrenching reality of our pain that we share with God. Ask God to help you understand. Ask God to give you the grace to trust in God’s love for you… even when you can’t see it.



I would also remind you that although you have been grieving a tremendous loss, you too were part of the accident. It was a trauma for you too! I wonder how you have processed that experience. In other words, have you had someone with whom you can talk about it? I would suggest it might be a good idea to find a pastor or counsellor to help you live through this tragic experience.



You shared 6o years with your wife. A love of that depth does not just disappear. Ask your wife to assist you with her prayers. Ask her to help you find peace and to continue to live. You will never ‘get over’ your loss. But you can learn to live with the loss and experience some joy and happiness again.