Snow White

DEAR FRIAR RICK: I am at the end of my tether. I feel tired of everything and everyone: of my continuous work both within and outside my home, of the indifference of my husband and kids, of my work colleagues who humiliate and exploit me just because they are in a higher position.

I know that Jesus used to withdraw from the crowd from time to time to recuperate and reconnect with His Father in heaven. Would I be committing a sin if I pretended to be ill so that I could be away from work for a few days to recuperate spiritually in a similar way? In other words, is this kind of absenteeism allowed by Christian morality? Butler once said, “All animals, except for man, know that the most important task in life is that of enjoying life”.

 

Wow, you do sound at wit’s end! Slow down, take a breath and relax. It gets better! First of all yes, if you need to take some time off by all means take it. No need to embellish the truth. It sounds like you truly are not well and probably will be more helpful to your employer by taking a few days to recuperate and then return more focused on your job.

The more important question is what is going on in your life that is leading you to feel this way? First of all it seems from the opening lines of your letter that you are very tired. Like so many women it sounds like you have two full time jobs: wife/mom/homemaker and your professional career.



I would like to invite you to indulge me for a moment. What would happen if you suddenly became ill and, like ‘Snow White’ fell into a deep sleep from which you could not be waked? What would your family do? Would they be unable to move on? Would your family starve? Probably not. In the end, they would have to learn to adapt. They would learn to cook for themselves, do the laundry, care for the house etc. They would also discover how much they miss being able to share their lives with you.

The point I am trying to make is that you are not indispensible. In fact, if you continue on this present course, you indeed risk becoming quite sick. For your sake and the sake of your family you need to put limits on what you do for them and ask them to take more responsibility for their lives.



Now here’s the crunch. It may not be as easy as it sounds. In fact it is possible that you might be the one who has the hardest time with allowing this change to occur. You see, so often we define ourselves, our identity, and our sense of meaning in life from what we do for others. When this changes or we allow others to take more responsibility for themselves we may feel like we have no purpose, like they don’t need us. As unlikely as you may believe, this would occur to you; be prepared for these feelings! Please, please push through these fears and doubts and challenge your family to a new partnership and division of labour in your household. Even young children can usually take on more responsibility than we often believe.

The other part of the solution is to ask yourselves if you are getting enough of the essentials of healthy living. Are you getting enough rest and sleep? Are you physically active? Do you take time to nourish your mind and soul? And probably that which is often most overlooked; do you make time for fun? Leisure and recreation are key.



I know that for someone as busy as you are, the thought of taking time for ‘fun’ seems unrealistic. But think of it this way. You are rushing to pick someone up at the airport when you discover that your car’s fuel is on empty. What do you do? If you stop you will surely be even more late! If you don’t stop you will run out of fuel, the car will stall and you will never get to the airport. It’s the same with you. Caring for yourself is a wise investment. You need to set limits with your family and make time for those things that you need. You will feel better about yourself. Your family will be happier and you will be more effective at work even when faced with challenging situations or difficult colleagues.