Should I Go?

DEAR FRIAR RICK: My mother has been reading this magazine for a number of years, and I myself look through it sometimes. I am interested in human psychology, and this is why your columns are the first things I read in it. Sometimes I agree with you, sometimes I don’t.

But let’s get down to business. I am a 20-year-old woman who doesn’t believe in God and who hasn’t gone to Mass for a long time. I find the liturgy boring and a waste of time.

The problem is that I have just been invited to my nephew’s First Communion. Given the fact that I don’t believe in God, should I attend this religious ceremony or not? Of course my relatives would be delighted if I did, but wouldn’t it be hypocritical of me to do so?

 

Well, I’m flattered that you not only read my column, but that it’s the first thing you read! I’m also grateful for your courage to write this letter and for your honesty in sharing of yourself with me and our readers.

Now, let me give you a super quick answer to your question by asking you another question in return: Why do you care? If you don’t believe in God, why do you care what my opinion is? Why do you care about whether it is right to go to the First Communion? For you, it would be just a party, no ? Free food! Why not? What do you care?



But the fact is that you do care. Based on your family background you probably were brought up Catholic and now you don’t believe. I wonder if it would be entirely fair to say that you don’t believe or whether you don’t believe in a God, faith, religion as it has been presented to you thus far. Those are two very different points of view. A true atheist does not believe in any divine presence. An agnostic, on the other hand, finds that that the present formulations regarding the divine do not satisfy. But yet there is an underlying belief.



So, seriously, in your case there is nothing wrong with going to the First Communion. It is an important moment in your nephew’s life and in the life of your family. You show respect by being there. It is good to support the people we love, even if we don’t agree with them. How many a parent has had to face the choices their children have made. Being there for our family, standing by them, even when we don’t like what they are doing says that we love them unconditionally. In fact, it is especially then that we mirror God, and God’s love for us, most closely. God does not love us only when we ‘behave’. God loves us all the time without condition. God even went down into hell to set us free. There is nothing, no place, no situation where God does not accompany us. God is always at our side showering us with love. It’s up to us to open ourselves to receive it.



If you don’t mind, I’m going to ask you to do three things. I would like to invite you to adopt a stance towards life that is open. Have an open mind and an open heart. Doing so, don’t be afraid to ask questions, to ponder and to imagine. If you find the liturgy boring… then ask yourself why? Trust me when I say that it’s not automatically boring just because you have no faith. There are plenty of faithful Catholics who find liturgy boring at times. Often enough it’s with good reason!



Second, I would like to invite you to open your heart in service to others. Find an organization where you can volunteer for one, two or three hours a week serving the poor, the sick or just people generally. Pope Francis in his homily on May 22 spoke about the need to respect atheists and non-believers, saying, “… if we do good to others, if we meet there, doing good, and we go slowly, gently, little by little, we will make that culture of encounter: we need that so much. We must meet one another doing good.” It’s amazing how, when faced with the suffering of others, we become conscious of our blessings.



Finally, I would like to invite you to take 2 minutes every night and list the top 3 things for which you were grateful during the day. This ‘attitude of gratitude’ will have ripple effects in your life, and who knows it may even lead you to prayer.