Two Weirdos?

DEAR FRIAR RICK: My girlfriend and I plan to get married next Spring, so we are currently taking pre-marital prep classes. While talking to the other couples in the course we discovered that we were the only ones in the group that hadn’t had sex yet.

Because of this, we feel embarrassed and out of place in the class, and try to evade the subject whenever it comes up as a topic of conversation.

We often leave these lessons with the thought: Are we weirdos?

 

Dear Weirdos: Are you really asking a man who wears a 13th century long grey robe and has vows of poverty, obedience and celibacy what he thinks constitutes weird? Really! Well, good for you. You’ve come to the right place.

Yes, you definitely are weird. How do I know? Check out the two definitions of the online ‘Urban Dictionary’ which is the arbiter of all things cool! A weirdo is defined as: 1) A person who is considered strange to other people. This person may do strange things, so this person can be considered a ‘weirdo’.

2) A non-conformist who does not follow trends or a subculture. A true ‘weirdo’ will just do what they feel, and can get along with most people. This person does not actually conform to a stereotype and shouldn’t be labelled.



If you accept the above definition of weirdos than you can consider yourself to be in excellent company. You would be in line with Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, as well as some of his most famous disciples including my all time favourite weirdo: St. Francis of Assisi. What you may find surprising, at least I did, was that you are also in the company of a lot of your friends and neighbours. Let me explain…



When I was the pastor of a parish in Toronto and worked with couples preparing for marriage there were plenty who in the course of the preparation admitted that they had been sexually active with one another. Let me state that when it comes to marriage preparation I am very welcoming and accepting of young people. They usually feel pretty safe to be open with me and tell me the truth. Well, to my surprise, there were quite a few couples who sometimes sheepishly acknowledged that they were both virgins. This was a lot more common than I expected in our highly sexualized culture.



It seems to me that the ‘sexual revolution’ of the 60s and 70s and its natural further development over the decades has certainly taken away the taboo feeling around sexuality. It seems to many in society that it’s okay for anyone to do anything with anyone else. No judgements. No shame. Yet, I find that young people are in some ways more modest and more prudish than they ever were. The message has also been made and heard very clearly, that you don’t have to be sexually active unless you feel ready. Now that doesn’t exactly line up with Catholic teaching, but it does move in the right direction. Young people are learning that they can just be themselves and don’t have to conform to society’s expectations of being cool or not being called a weirdo. So, you are not alone!

Another important paradox for young people today is that in an age of social media where your every breakfast, restroom visit and yawn is documented on Facebook or Twitter, many young adults are also extremely private. So the questions then arises, for you as a couple: Are you willing to come out of the ‘abstinence’ closet? Are you willing to be proud of the personal and religious choice you have made to give yourselves sexually only to the person you marry? Your lifestyle choices may give someone else a reason to question themselves and what they are doing. It could be a graced moment of evangelization for some of the people around you. Are you willing to take up that challenge?

Your “Yes” to pre-marital chastity may have a greater impact than you think on those around you.