A Pathologic Disorder

  “I REALLY feel comfortable and satisfied when I buy anything new, be it an outfit, a pair of shoes, a bag or accessory… I can’t last a single month without buying one clothes item, outfit or accessory. Because of my frequent visits to the stores, most of the salesmen know me and welcome me warmly. I remember every corner and item in my favourite stores. But all of this has destroyed my budget.” – Nawara Fattahova, Kuwait

  “I am a shopper. I love shopping and I’m good at it. My life was out of control… my apartment was bursting at the seams and yet I couldn’t find anything I needed… the more I earned, the more I spent… shopping was such a stress release for me.” – Neradine Tisaj, Australia

  “I have a problem. I think I am addicted to shopping, and it is getting me into trouble. I am living off my credit cards because there is no money left at the end of the month. I am thousands of dollars in debt, and that doesn’t include my mortgage, car payment and student loans. I have a closet full of clothes that still have the tags on, but I can’t seem to stop. How do I dig my way out of this?” – Canadian woman writing to an advice columnist

  These three examples from Kuwait, Australia and Canada reveal the depth and magnitude of shopping addiction. It cuts across all racial, gender, ethnic and economic groupings. Though it is more prevalent among women it is also common in men. Dr. Astrid Mueller, a German health professional who studies shopping addiction, says, “Women go out and buy pretty things for themselves or for others such as clothes, shoes, jewellery, food and things for the home. Men go out and buy their own version of ‘pretty things’ which tend to be things for the car or sporting equipment, power tools and household gadgets, most of which are packed away in a storage closet or in the garden shed and never used.” And, according to Dr. Martina de Zwaan, head of the Department of Psychotherapy at Erlangen University Hospital, Germany, shopping addiction is “a pathological disorder of global dimensions.”

  If you are one of the many people who have the urge to splurge, here are seven ways to halt shopping addiction.

 

Recognize signs & symptoms 

  

  Shopping addiction (or oniomania) is defined as an overpowering urge to go out and buy things, regardless of whether they are actually needed or even wanted. Shopping is a problem when:

* There is spending over budget. A non addict will say, “I like this but I can’t afford it.” An addict will not respect this boundary.

* The buying is compulsive. A shopping addict will go out to buy one blouse, but returns home with several in different colours.

* It’s a chronic condition. The shopping addiction is a cycle which is repeated over and over. It’s more than just a once-a-year Christmas shopping spree, but extends over the rest of the year as well.

* Purchases are hidden. Financial infidelity begins to take place as the shopper doesn’t want their significant other to know what they’ve bought, how much they’ve bought and what they’ve spent.

* Relationships are impacted and impaired. Tensions with a partner and other family members emerge. When shopping addiction is realized by those close to the addict there is frustration, anger, and emotional distancing. There are arguments about the buying and spending.

* Loss of control. The individual is no longer in control of their shopping. Rather the shopping is in control of them as they over spend and over buy.

 

Realize the consequences

  

  Those who have a shopping addiction and are unable to rein it in end up with great suffering. They experience guilt and anxiety as well as eroding and destroying important relationships. The impact of shopping addiction is both personal and professional. Psychologist April Benson, author of I Shop Therefore I Am: Compulsive Buying and the Search For Self, has witnessed how destructive compulsive shopping can be, “One patient of mine got fired because she was compulsively shopping on the internet all day. There are other people who neglect their children and park them in the mall constantly, because that is what they need to feed their habits. Lots of marriages break up over compulsive buying. In fact, we don’t call it compulsive buying unless there is some significant impairment in some aspect of your life.” 

 

Seek professional help

  

  When you recognize that your shopping is out of control, seek professional help. Some sources of aid include a medical doctor, psychologist, financial counsellor or spiritual leader. Consider joining a self-group such as Debtors Anonymous or Overspenders Anonymous. “There are no standard treatments for shopping addiction,” says Donald Black, MD, professor of psychiatry at the University of Iowa College of Medicine. “Medications have been used, generally antidepressants that treat, in some cases, the underlying issue of depression in someone with an addiction, but with mixed results. Therapists also focus on cognitive-behavioural treatment programs, and credit or debt counselling can be very helpful to some people as well. With some patients, I tell them they should have a self-proposed ban on shopping, and with others, some of my very worst cases, I tell them they should have someone else controlling their finances for them.” 

 

Stop and think

  

  Though she earns a $100,000 a year, Ginger found herself with a staggering $230,000 debt spent on shopping and buying 13 fur coats, 400 pairs of shoes and Louis Vuitton bags which she gave to her children to carry to private school. Complicating her life, Ginger didn’t pay her bills and declared bankruptcy three times before her debt reached its current level. “I love to look good but this is horrible,” she says of her life. When her urge to shop emerged, what might have stopped or slowed it down would be this: taking a deep breath, pausing and stopping to think about ways to short circuit a spending spree. Some helpful ways to stop and think before shopping include:

* Deciding to pay for purchases strictly by cash, check or debit card – no charging on credit.

* Making a shopping list and buying only what’s on the list.

* Getting rid of all credit cards, keeping only one for emergencies.

* Window shopping, but only after the stores are closed.

* Avoid phoning in catalogue orders.

* Don’t watch TV shopping channels.

* Engaging in an exercise activity rather than shop – walk, run, bike, take in a yoga class.

  

Hand over budget control

  

  Let someone else put you on a strict budget allowance. Consider Nikki, whose online shopping became an addiction. “It was like Christmas when the packages came,” she recalls. Last year she maxed out an $8,000 credit card in one week buying shoes, jewellery and clothing for herself along with a few gifts for others. Part of her purchases included designer jeans for which she paid $200 to $400 each. “It was disgusting to look at my closet,” says the unemployed mother of three. Finally, her husband took control of their finances, checking their bank account often. Nikki also entered a debt management program and made arrangements to see a therapist.

 

Practice mindful shopping

  

  A large part of the problem with shopping addicts is “spur-of-the-moment, impulsive, recreational, mindless shopping,” notes psychologist April Lane Bensen. “We typically put about as much conscious thought into it as we do into digesting.”  She recommends offsetting careless shopping sprees, by practicing mindful shopping. To do this effectively, Dr. Benson suggests finding a place to sit before your shop, and take time to ask yourself and answer, preferably in writing, these six key questions: Why am I here? How do I feel? Do I need this? What if I wait? How will I pay for it? Where will I put it?

 

Turn to God

 

  If you find yourself in a situation which feels impossible and hopeless, turn to God via prayer and meditation. The Bible clearly teaches there is hope for your future and for every situation in life. Meditate on this Biblical passage where God speaks through the prophet Jeremiah, “I know the plans I have for you… plans to prosper you, not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future…  call upon me… and I will listen to you.” (Jeremiah 29:11-12). Do just what this passage asks: call on God. Ask the Divine to help you break the addiction and to strengthen you day by day. 



  ARE YOU A SHOPAHOLIC?

  Psychologists, credit counsellors and financial planners offer this checklist to determine if you are a shopaholic. Answer each one true or false:

  1. You spend money on the expectation that your income will rise.

  2. You take cash advances on one credit card to pay off another.

  3. You spend over 20 percent of your income on credit-card bills.

  4. You often fail to keep an accurate record of you purchases.

  5. You have applied for more than five cards in the past year.

  6. You regularly pay for groceries with a credit card because you need to.

  7. You often hide your credit-card purchases from your family.

  8. Owning several credit cards makes you feel richer and more secure.

  9. You pay off your monthly credit-card bills, but let others slide.

  10. You like to collect cash from friends in restaurants, then charge the

  tab on your credit card.

  11. You almost always make only the minimum payment on your credit-card bill.

  12. You have trouble imagining you life without credit.

  Scoring

  1-4 true answers. You can probably keep going. You don’t seem to splurge uncontrollably.

  5-8 true answers. Slow down, you have entered the caution zone. It’s

  time to draw up a budget, pay off bills, and re-evaluate spending habits.

  9-12 true answers. You must stop. It may be wise to consult a credit

  counsellor or financial planner for help in changing your habits.

 

DEBTORS ANONYMOUS 12 STEPS

  Modelled after the 12-step Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) program, Debtors Anonymous members are guided by the following 12 steps:

  1. We admitted we were powerless over debt – that our lives had become unmanageable.

  2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

  4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

  5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

  6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

  7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

  8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

  9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

  10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

  11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

  12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to compulsive debtors, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.