Moral Dilemmas

DEAR FRIAR RICK: My son Peter had his first Holy Communion three years ago and, despite the fact that he attends Mass regularly every Sunday with us, he never goes to confession because he says that he does not have any grave sins. I am really uncertain about how to deal with this issue, and I would really appreciate your advice.

I spoke about this problem with our parish priest, who then talked it over with Peter. However my son still refuses to go to confession. Should I force him to go?

 

Well clearly you cannot force your son to go to confession. That’s not how the Sacrament works, and it would be very wrong to coerce someone in that way… most probably a serious sin. So how do you handle this most delicate of situations? Well I have a couple of ideas. 

First of all you may want to find out if there is some reason that your son is reticent to approach the Sacrament. Maybe you or someone he trusts (not related to the Church) can talk to him about his experience with his First Confession. What was it like? What happened? How did he feel afterwards? This may give you some clues. Is it possible that the priest scared him or was harsh with him? Unfortunately this does happen from time to time. Perhaps he might be invited to go to confession at another parish with another priest. Just as an aside, do you all go together as a family? Is he perhaps feeling uncomfortable with that? Maybe he needs more privacy. Those are just some thoughts.

The other idea I have stems from your use of the expression ‘go to confession’. We all know that the name ‘confession’ comes from only one part of the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Perhaps Peter may be open to experiencing the richness of the Sacrament in another format. Have you considered participating in a Lenten or Advent Penance service with him? Seeing the communitarian aspect of Reconciliation and reflecting on social sin may help him form his conscience a little more.

Ultimately you can just do nothing. Your son Peter may be in a funk. He has been catechized. He knows right from wrong and is making his own choice. If all else fails I would respect his choice in this matter of conscience and wait it out. In the meantime he is hopefully continuing his religious education and getting a good example from you in terms of celebrating this Sacrament of God’s mercy. 







DEAR FRIAR RICK: My husband and I are friends with several couples, and during a dinner together we discussed Natural Family Planning. One older couple told us that a few years ago they decided for the husband to undergo a vasectomy because they already had three children. They said this rather simple operation is very inexpensive and probably the most effective means of birth control. It also does not affect the sex organs and sexuality. What does the Church have to say about this?

 

In the Sacrament of Matrimony, man and woman are made one, and Christ is made present in the world in a unique way. Sexual intercourse is then seen as an important way in which a couple shows their unity and also their being open to God in their life as a couple. Sometimes that openness results in the gift of new life. Sometimes it doesn’t. It’s a gift. The Church teaches us that contraception creates barriers to both the unity and openness of the couple. When I give myself totally to my spouse to become one in the act of intercourse and I have included a physical barrier then we are not truly one. In the same manner if this barrier prevents us from the possibility of receiving a gift from God then we may be placing ourselves in the role of God. A vasectomy is (usually) a permanent barrier to being open to God’s gift of new life. The upcoming October 2014 Synod on the Family is supposed to reflect on this and many issues that affect family life. Is it possible that some contraception might be possible for couples that are clearly open to the gift of life? Does the lived experience of 21st century families challenge us to rethink the pastoral application of this teaching? We have to wait and see. Until then a vasectomy is clearly a ‘no go’ according to official Church teaching.