Kids @ Mass

Dear Mr. Pfister: My husband and I have been struggling to help our children pay better attention and participate more at Holy Mass. Most Sundays are spent trying to keep them from talking, hitting each other, or trying to leave the pew and wandering off. We’ve tried giving them activities to do such as bringing games or puzzles, but this doesn’t seem to help them truly appreciate the Mass, but rather serves as a distraction from the Mass. We’ve also tried giving them consequences to little effect. Our children’s ages range from 3 to 15-years-old. What can we do to help our children pay better attention and participate more at Mass?

I would first like to commend your desire to help your children more closely participate and unite themselves to the Sacrifice of Calvary as it’s re-presented at each Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. This responsibility that a parent has is a commonly overlooked, but nevertheless beautiful part of parenthood.

Helping our children to better pay attention and participate at Mass is a challenging task that, if we’re to be successful, will take us outside of Sundays and Holy Days of Obligation and will permeate into our day-to-day lives in order for us to provide the psychological formation necessary for our children’s success.

The first recommendation I have would be to help as much as possible to familiarize your children – in an age-appropriate manner – with what the Mass is and what happens there – both physically and spiritually. Teach them about what is happening at Mass in a way they can understand based on their age and development. This formation will take time and effort from you as a parent, but it is essential.

Once they have an understanding of what they’re actually witnessing at Mass, I would recommend setting expectations for their behavior at Mass. You can share these with your children, and practice doing the associated behaviors with your children at home through modeling or roleplaying. This way they know exactly what is expected of them as well as what it looks like to do it well.

With regards to being at Holy Mass, try to bring them to Mass during the week, if at all possible. The environment of a daily Mass can help them to acclimate to their expected behavior, and better focus on what is happening with less to distract them. It’s also very difficult for a child of any age to go from the fast-paced environment of the world and media to the stillness and peace of a church. Many children need to experience this quiet and stillness more frequently in order to acclimate to it, and if it can’t be at daily Mass or during Eucharistic Adoration, out in nature is the next best option. You can also invest in children-focused missals that can help them to follow along while at Holy Mass.

After Mass, you can talk about what they experienced at Mass, such as asking questions about their comprehension of the priest’s homily or the readings for the day. You can also share your reflections with them. This will help solidify the expectation you have for them to be actively paying attention, but also show them how to incorporate their faith into their daily lives.

Lastly, help them to cultivate a personal relationship with God each day that extends beyond Sundays and permeates into every aspect of their lives. This comes primarily, for children, in witnessing the example of their parents. Continue to be a good example for them, and even challenge yourself to continue to grow in your own personal relationship with God.