Invalid Baptism?

DEAR FRIAR RICK: My daughter and her husband are refusing to baptise their 2-year-old son, and this is a constant source of tension between me and them. They say that it’s up to him to decide whether to get baptised or not, and that in any case, a decision of that type should only be taken by an adult, and that religion should not be imposed on children. They call themselves agnostics, but have also said that they will try not to influence him.



Whenever they ask me to babysit him I take him to church and, to my great surprise and pleasure, he blows kisses at the crucifix. I even came up with the idea of having him secretly baptised by my parish priest, but he refused to do so without prior consent from the parents. So I decided to baptise him myself at home in the presence of a few friends of mine with some holy water, which I took from church. Is that baptism valid? Did I do anything wrong?





All that is required for minimal validity for baptism is that a person (anyone, not necessarily a Christian, pour water (not necessarily holy) or immerse the child in water three times during which that same person pronounces: I baptise you in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. If you did the above, your grandson is validly baptised.



What makes for a ‘valid’ baptism, however, does not necessarily make for a good sacrament. In fact your actions do violence to the Sacrament of Baptism. That is why your parish priest wisely refused to participate in the course of action you proposed. Why?



Baptism is that sacrament by which a person willingly and consciously enters into the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. It’s a choice that is made freely and involves a complete change in our life. Now obviously a child cannot make such a commitment. However, because of the value of the grace of baptism, parents (and godparents) boldly make the profession of faith on behalf of the child. The Church does not proceed with this unless there is at least a glimmer of hope (as Pope Benedict has said) that the parents will follow through on raising the child in the faith. The Church will not do this in direct contradiction to the expressed wishes of the parents. Which is what you have done.



Some might consider my assessment of your actions as being rather harsh. It is true that we believe that the privileged path to salvation is through baptism. And it is true that in the past we believed that a child that was not baptised would go to ‘limbo’. Since baptism was required for heaven, and since a newborn could not be condemned to hell, there had to be some kind of a neutral place: limbo. Thus there was this urgency to have a child baptised as soon as possible.



However, in the last century the Second Vatican Council reminded us in chapter 16 of Lumen Gentium (the Dogmatic Constitution of the Church): Those also can attain to salvation who through no fault of their own do not know the Gospel of Christ or His Church, yet sincerely seek God and, moved by grace, strive by their deeds to do His will as it is known to them through the dictates of conscience. In other words, although we should strive with all our might to have our families baptised, there isn’t the same ‘panic’ about it. God is a lot more gracious and creative than we imagine.



The idea of the parents that only adults can make a choice to be baptised is ludicrous. Will your daughter refuse to send your grandson to kindergarten until he is 18 years old and can make a free choice to get an education? I don’t think so. Your daughter knows that the value of an education far outweighs the value of waiting until adulthood. The same is true of baptism.



In your case though, what is done is done. You need to respect the parents’ choices. They are the parents of the child, not you. However, you are the grandmother. You have an important role to play. Continue to share your faith with your grandson. May your joy, your charity and the kindness you show to others be the best advertising for the faith your grandson will experience. It will not go un-noticed, and it will bear fruit!