Ignite Your Child’s Potential

WHEN HER SON was 12, Chana Keefer, says it took every ounce of parenting skill to raise him. “He hated school and he picked on his little brother and sisters. He screamed and yelled at anyone who crossed him – especially me.” Keefer was very concerned about her son, Micah. “It was like living with a time bomb. If Micah was like this at 12, what lay ahead for our family when he was a teenager? God, show me how to reach him. I’ll do whatever it takes,” she prayed. One day he came running to his mother with something in his palm and showed her a scaly green lizard he’d caught near their California home. “Can I keep her?” he asked.



Keefer says she really didn’t want a lizard in the house, “but lately my 12-year-old needed every friend he could get,” so she agreed, saying he had to be responsible for its care. Immediately, Micah began reading everything he could find about lizard care. He took ‘Bettie’ everywhere he went, with the creature often perched on his shoulder. Strangers would stop to look and ask questions about his lizard. “All that attention made Micah more outgoing, less hostile. His attitude about school and his behaviour improved.” Keefer never had to nag Micah about caring for Bettie “and the tenderness he showed her spilled over into the way he treated others, and me.” As a teenager, reptiles have become Micah’s passion.



As a parent, Chana Keefer deserves a lot of credit for finding a way to ignite Micah’s potential. This is not always the case with all children. Howard Glasses, author of All Children Flourishing, says for every child “who makes it, there are a hundred who don’t, who are tumbled out of childhood into a life that is far from peaceful, happy or productive.” The difference between those who make it and those who struggle, is often the attention given to them by a parent or other significant adults.



Here are seven ways to help ignite a child’s potential.





Be like a gardener





The Bible teaches that every human being is inherently talented and filled with great potential – “… nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them,” is the teaching of Genesis 11:6. This means that our role is similar to that of a gardener. We are not responsible for creating the seed or the soil. The potential for growth is already in the seed. The role of the gardener is to prepare the soil properly, to plant the seed at the right time, and to be sure that the required amount of sunlight, shade and water are provided. Once the environment is conducive, the seed will grow and sprout. Growth is inhibited only when the soil is not right or if there is too much or to little water and sunshine. Be like a good gardener who is attentive, responsive, adaptive to a child’s evolving needs.





Never do this!





A man wrote to an advice columnist saying he witnessed something ‘unsettling’. He was at an informal affair at a friend’s home where both adults and children were present. A little girl – around three or four – was running around and knocked into a table causing some food and drinks to spill. Her father came over to her and got down on his knees. “I was impressed. I figured he was trying to connect with his daughter on her eye level. Only I was shocked by what he then said, ‘What you did was very stupid. I want you to say to me, Daddy, I am very stupid’. Sure enough, the little girl, intimidated by her father, repeated the words just as he had told her. I was in shock.” The letter writer was correct in being shocked. That behaviour and those words should never, ever be used by parents. A statement like that can only have a detrimental, negative impact upon the little girl. It only serves to erode her self esteem. That may be why Saint Paul offers this caution: “Do not exasperate your children.” (Ephesians 6:4)





Always do this





By the age of 16, Tausha Oxier of Canton, Ohio, was a typical teenage girl. However, unlike other young women her age, Tausha became a highly skilled weight lifter. At five feet four inches tall, she dead lifted 310 pounds (meaning she could lift that much weight from the floor to her hip level). In her teens Tausha held 28 national titles in powerlifting. She began weight training when she was aged 3. She became a two-time world champion in her age group, and has set four world records. “I can do anything I set my mind to,” she says and expresses gratitude to her coach for helping her believe in herself.





Teachers not enough





Of course it can happen that a teacher succeeds in igniting your child’s potential, but the reality is that teachers have up to 30 children (sometimes even more) in a classroom. They have lesson plans to get through, and can’t possibly spot the gifts and talents inherent in each child. Teachers simply don’t have the time to see which child has athletic ability, which one is a budding novelist, which one will create great art, which one will become a recording artist. Roger Schank, an education professor at Northwestern University, Evanston, IL, and author of Coloring Outside The Lines, advises parents: “You job is to do what the school won’t do. Identifying your child’s area of interest, providing him/her with experiences related to that interest, and having one-on-one dialogs with him/her about it are steps every parent can take.” He also notes it doesn’t take an adult education course to nurture traits important to a child’s development.





Observe your children





One of the most effective ways of igniting children’s potential is by observing them carefully. Watch what brings them delight and pleasure. Observe the things which seem to come naturally to them. When you identify something which may be a latent talent, guide the child in the direction of developing it. This is something which Elaine Olson and her husband did for their daughter. When they did mission in Africa for a few years, Mr Olson made a swing for their children out of rope and a small board to sit on. “While our eldest daughter, Brittany (3 at the time), sat, gingerly enjoying the swing, Jenessa (2) would stand on the swing, practically pumping over the top when it was her turn. We could see she was naturally fearless, athletic, with a good sense of balance,” recalls Elaine Olson. The parents encouraged Jenessa’s athleticism. “Today, at 13 years of age, Jenessa has broken several school records in track and field. Looking at her natural ability, it’s completely possible for her to fulfil her potential and dream to compete on a much larger scale.”





Compliment often





Of course, children love to hear “good job” or “thanks for doing that”. However, as the significant adult in a child’s life, broaden your compliment vocabulary. When you want to offer recognition or praise a child, tap into the broad range of the English language by using words and phrases such as: you are a joy... you’re a great example... you’re an inspiration to me and others... compassionate... courageous... a leader... considerate... courteous... faithful... positive... good-hearted... thoughtful... understanding... trustworthy... intelligent... kind... loving... visionary... honourable.



Look that list over and add some of your own unique positive descriptions for your child. Just think how good you would feel if a friend or family member described you using those words and expressions. Do the same for your child.





Show belief in them





Children thrive when they feel parents care about them and believe in them. Find ways of showing children that you are in their corner. Consider what happened in the life of Lupe Riuz-Flores. In 1959 she desperately wanted to have a gold graduation ring with a sparkling red garnet which the other seniors were ordering. It was twenty-five dollars and her large family was very poor. “I didn’t even have 25 cents, but I went ahead and placed my order with the rest of the class of 1959, trying not to think of how I would pay for it. The little income I brought home from my part-time job at a dry-cleaner went toward our family bills so I knew that I couldn’t count on that,” she recalls. Riuz-Florez would be the first in her family to graduate from high school. In her impoverished neighbourhood, many of her friends had already dropped out to help support their families. Even her parents had done the same. “I wanted something different. I wanted an education. To me, the ring represented my dream,” she says. Yet, twenty-five dollars was an enormous amount of money to expect from her family. Her father’s job as a butcher didn’t pay enough to meet the needs of their large family. So her mother bought used clothing at garage sales, washed and pressed them and resold them for a small profit to make ends meet. Nevertheless, she spoke to her mother explaining, “The seniors ordered their rings for graduation. Can I order one too?” When she stated the price, “Mama looked at me as if I were crazy. ‘Where are we supposed to come up with that kind of money?’” she asked. Nothing more was said but Riuz-Flores thought to herself “she doesn’t care about me”. A few weeks later she came home to find her mother sitting on the couch surrounded by boxes of cosmetics and perfumes. “What’s going on?” she asked. Her mother said she was going to try cosmetic sales to generate more family income. A month later she presented her daughter with an envelop containing her profits, and said, “Here, this is for your ring.” Decades later, Riuz-Flores recalls her delight saying “Tears welled up in my eyes and I could only nod my ‘thank you’. Mama did understand after all.”

                      

Finally, to ignite a child’s potential, try to be the role model yourself by discovering and exercising your own potential. Children take note of what their parents say and do. If you are one who digs deeply and taps their inner potential, your children will notice. That may be just the inspiration they need to pursue their dreams.