Feeling Lost

DEAR FRIAR RICK: I am very angry with God. I had desperately begged Our Lord not to take my father away until after summer. Instead, what did God do? He took my father away just after Easter, just like He did with my mum a few years ago. Now, at the age of 25, I am alone and without a family, and it’ll be even harder for me this coming summer, when everyone will be on vacation with their families. Of course I have friends and a nice, satisfying job, but nothing can make up for the emptiness that I feel inside.  My father was a self-made man who gave me valuable advice, love and tenderness throughout his whole life – he is irreplaceable for me.

 

I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what it must be like to lose your parents. I am still blessed to have mine. My parents are 81 and 90, and so I have thought of what it will be like to say goodbye to them one day.

Our relationship with our parents is unique and so different from all others. They are, in cooperation with God, the source of all we are and of life itself. In an ideal world, they mirror God’s unconditional love for us. Hopefully, each one of us is the most cherished being of our parents. This powerful love is hard to experience in any other relationship in quite the same way.

What I would suggest is that you focus on gratitude. Be very deliberate in remembering and celebrating with gratitude what your parents were able to give you. Can you think of some tangible things you can do to keep their memory alive? To keep that love alive? Remember that although they are not close by, your parents continue to love you as only a parent can.

The second thing I would suggest is that you work at developing the friendships that you have. By this I mean deep friendships where you can be vulnerable and open and truly loved for who you are. Finally, I would encourage you to take the gift of love you received from your parents and let it bear abundant fruit in the service your offer to those in need. “For it is in giving that we receive…”

 

DEAR FRIAR RICK: I have been married for 15 years with a man my age (I am 42), and we have two children. My husband has many good qualities, and in the first years into our marriage he really knew how to make me the happiest woman on earth.

In the last few years, however, a dull monotony has set in, and those joyous, intimate moments of emotional and physical communion are becoming less and less frequent. I suspect that there is another woman, but the subject is taboo with him. These fears were heightened when he recently told me that he respects me and loves me as he would his own sister; that he sees in me the worthy mother of his children, but that he cannot give me any more love than this. I have accepted this state of affairs, and my love for him is turning into mere affection. However, deep down I feel that something may not be right. Should I simply accept this situation or am I right in suspecting that something is wrong in our relationship?

 

What do you mean the subject of his having an affair is taboo with him? Having an affair should be the taboo, not being honest about it! But before your jump to conclusions take the time to find out what is really going on. At 42 years old you certainly should be able to expect love and intimacy in your marriage. However there may be a variety of reasons why your husband is having difficulties. It could be a lower libido due to decreased levels of testosterone. It’s worth getting that tested. He may be struggling with erectile dysfunction and be embarrassed by it. Are you facing major financial problems? What has changed in the last few years besides the lack of sexual relations?

You know, ultimately sexuality is a form of communication. The ground floor of this communication is not the physical act, but rather the sharing of your heart. I would strongly encourage you two to seek out professional counselling so that you can work at rebuilding your relationship in a way that satisfies both of you.