Boyfriends & Wives

DEAR FRIAR RICK: My wife has a passion for horoscopes, and even if she will never admit to it I know that she often consults a psychic reader. She is also very superstitious: she never walks under a ladder, on Friday 13 she prefers to stay at home, and was horrified last year when a mirror fell from her hands and broke. 

How can an intelligent, religious woman be held captive by these stupid superstitions? What can I do to help her?

Many people who profess to be Christian hold on to various types of beliefs that sometimes seem inconsistent with our faith. Do the planets and the magnetic pull of the moon have no impact on us and our personalities? If you’ve worked in a hospital you know well what a full moon means at the emergency department! Are there some truths to the whole power of energy that underlies some of the Asian traditions and beliefs like feng shui? Who knows. I would be careful not to say that we know everything about the universe which God has created.

Things like the horoscope are for many merely a form of entertainment. Not ideal, but not the end of the world. Other forms of superstition are grounded in a devotion to the occult, and really have no place in the life of a Christian.

That being said, there are many things that should not be present in the life of a Christian such as gossip, or envy or greed. How many of us accumulate belongings that we don’t need and which could be of use to the poor? We need to work at avoiding all of these sinful behaviours. The best thing you can do for your wife is to witness to your faith by living an exemplary life. Trust me, that will be much more appealing than any psychic.

DEAR FRIAR RICK: I’m engaged to be married with a 30-year-old man (he is 2 years older than me). He is a nice, affectionate man, and a believing Catholic. The problem, though, is that he has no real friends and is completely uninterested in my friends. At times his mute presence during our meetings is a source of unease to everyone.

He says that he feels comfortable only with me, and prefers us two to remain alone. This worries me because I am an outgoing, extroverted sort of person. What’s going to happen when we get married?

He is not going to change. When you get married he will be the same. In fact it may get worse, presuming that right now he is on his best behaviour because he is courting you. Our personalities span the spectrum of introversion and extroversion. It’s more work for introverts to socialize with more than a few friends at a time. Meeting your friends would be even more challenging, but it’s certainly possible. Most introverted people can stretch themselves when necessary, but then need ‘down-time’ to recover and feel grounded again.

What you describe with your fiancé seems more than introversion. It’s hard to tell what’s going on just from your letter. However, what is most disconcerting is that he seems ‘completely uninterested’ in your friends. Not only that, but he also wants the two of you ‘to remain alone’. That sets off alarm bells in my mind. It’s also a concern that your friends feel the uneasiness. My suggestion to you is to consult some of your friends and family. What do they think? How do they encounter him? Bring him to as many family gatherings as possible. It’s really important to get a sense of what he’s like before you make a final commitment.