Believe in Yourself

Dear Mr. Pfister: I am a mother of five children, and my husband and I decided this past year we wanted to homeschool our children. It’s been a major adjustment, and I’ve noticed I’ve been feeling frequently overwhelmed and as if I have no idea what I am doing most of the time. I worry that I am not suited to educate my children, and fear I’m not cut out to be their primary teacher. As I was reflecting on this experience, I recognized that it’s a common pattern for me throughout my life. I tend to doubt myself and my abilities when things get difficult or I feel exceedingly challenged. How do I focus less on my fear of not being good enough and more on the gifts and talents I do have?

Fear or worry causes a response in us that Saint Thomas Aquinas refers to as contraction, or a pulling into ourselves as a result of the emotional pain we’re experiencing. As a result, we tend to focus excessively on the fear itself to the exclusion of everything else. We even lose awareness of information that would challenge or contradict the fear, such as the strengths that we have been blessed with by God that could help us in those very moments.

The truth is, we’ve all been blessed, as adopted children of Almighty God, with a multitude of gifts and talents – some more and some less, certainly, but all with gifts and talents. The question is not Do I have any talents? but What talents do I have, and how will these talents help me to overcome the obstacle or difficulty in front of me at this very moment?

But for us to use these talents, and to use them well for important things such as educating my children, I first need to know what they are. This is the first thing I would encourage you to do: pray and reflect on what talents and gifts you do have, and make a list of them. Ask yourself what others would consider your strengths and talents – or even ask those very people. When you’ve done this, write them down on paper so you can look back at them in the future. Be honest and objective with yourself.

The second thing I would encourage you to do would be to begin reading the list you created each day, at least one time each day. Do it on the days when you believe you have the gifts and talents you wrote down, as well as on the days you don’t believe you have them. This will not only make us more aware of our gifts and talents, but it will also build the intellectual habit of recalling them. This will have the added effect of allowing you to be more purposeful in using them in the times they’re needed because you’re recalling them more frequently.

Thirdly, when you’re having doubts that you are suited to be their teacher, pull out that list of strengths, and identify the strengths that can help you through that very moment, as well as those that will help you to be a good teacher of your children. This will allow you to start counteracting the belief that you are not good enough, which causes you to forget your gifts and talents.

Lastly, ask God for the grace to be the teacher your children need – nothing more and nothing less, but exactly what they need. Pray for this grace daily, perseveringly, with confidence that He can help you overcome any obstacles or challenges you may meet in this journey.